Retired!

August 6th

Swimming at high tide. Loving it. Carried by the swell of the waves. Mind at peace, body completely relaxed. Reflecting on the last 15 months since leaving Paris. Diagnosis followed by dozens of hospital visits, blood tests, consultations, decisions. The month in hospital, the successful stem-cell transplant from Caroline and then the long recovery here in Frinton.

And there in the ocean, for the first time, I FELT RETIRED. No job, and no responsibility for anyone beyond family and friends. Retired, at peace, and without a shred of guilt.

This is an unexpected gift. I had always heard, and said, 'Christians never retire'. A friend spoke about Re-tyre-ment - a 6 month break then off on the next voluntary ministry assignment. Well, we still hope for more 'fruitful labour', but God has given us 2 gifts - first the gift of healing, and now the gift of rest.

In hospital I had looked ahead and set some goals for 2024 (this is what I do!). Things to aim for, and to enjoy, if God gave me life and strength:

• to play golf again by April, and join my mates in June for a week in Scotland.

• to meet and hold my new grandson, in May.

• to visit Paris again, see our friends, and join Rene on her 100th birthday.

• to have our whole family together in July, play on the beach and say THANK YOU!

God granted all of these hopes, through the help and support of your prayers, and many brilliant people doing their jobs with compassion. Amazing!

And now, in retirement, peace.

On YouTube I saw a talk to potential missionaries - 'you don't plan your life' by John Piper. I watched a bit and realised he's right. I did not plan my life. I didn't plan where I was born or who my family are or what's in my DNA. I didn't plan to enjoy sports. I didn't plan to go to Liverpool, or Clacton, or London, or Leeds, or Bangkok, or Paris, or Frinton, or to develop Myelofibrosis just before retirement. God is our Shepherd, and he plans our lives. Within limits, he also gives us freedom and responsibility; and I made a couple of very good decisions: to follow Jesus Christ (age 21) and to marry Mary, who I met within 10 days of becoming a Christian, while we both served at a Summer Camp for teenagers.

I wonder to what, and where, he will guide us next? Life remains an adventure, and we are so grateful to have good health and strength for our age. We live a year at a time, and hope there will come a time for more fruitful service, but for now we wait. The Prof said recovery from stem-cell transplants takes 12 months. I reach 9 months on September 4th.

August 7th - the very next day after the swim - we received an email saying that Planning Permission for a new dormer window in our loft was refused. This was a key part of our major Autumn project to expand and renew our Frinton home. Our first feeling was SHOCK - no one had thought this likely. Our second feeling was RELIEF - we wouldn't have to pack up the whole house in August! But then we said, God is Sovereign, he's in charge.

We met with the builder again; and then Mary and I drew up a list of 8 possible responses, which we are going to ponder over the next 6 months. We shall see.

My Health?

As you can tell, I am getting better all the time.

• My blood is almost normal. My Haemoglobin is at 126. Remember that my 30th Jan target was 120. At the time it was down at 64. It has gone up every month since then.

• My physical strength is good, and the golf is getting better. Mary and I have won 2 prizes in the last 2 weeks.

• My Graft versus Host Disease (GvHD) is diminishing, week by week. All bodily rashes have gone, and the soreness in my mouth is reducing, helped by the steroid tablets, and 4 steroid mouth washes a day that take a total of 30 mins to do. I can now eat and drink almost anything - even mild curries are back on the menu.

• The Prof has started to reduce my steroid intake - to 5mg every other day.

Nevertheless, I am still taking a LOT OF DRUGS:

So, the next big step is to GET OFF the main DRUGS (I'll take a few preventative pills for life): Steroids first, then the immunosuppressant, Ciclosporin, which I have been taking since Dec 4th.

This is the big one. Some people stay on it for life. I would like to be off it (and the side effects) and free of all GvHD, so that I can live normally, travel freely, and preach again (steroids make me a bit hypo, says Mary, who is apologising for me even more than usual). The Prof says he hopes to get me off them eventually; but we know who is in charge.

Final word. I know how blessed I am. Some people on similar journeys have different outcomes. John, who I befriended in hospital, didn't make it. He died in February, and I have corresponded a little with his widow, Sue. Pray for her, and other dear friends who are widowed early in retirement. Others have had complications and frequent returns to hospital. Some have lots of bugs and viruses and feel weak. Some are terminally ill - pray for Anish, a Hindu friend, to know that if he asks, Jesus will receive someone who knows he has not lived a consistently good and godly life (and please pray that I continue to bump into him at the Bart's clinic).

I am so grateful not just to be getting better, but also to have been on this journey, and met these dear people, who I love.

And thank you for your love, Jonathan